The Camping Trip
by Hoose23
Summary: Lois decides to take the family on a camping trip so everyone can bond together, but the trip takes a turn when Chris discovers magic beans


The Camping Trip

One day Lois was sitting down in the living room with Peter looking over some baby books and old photos of the family. She began to realize that the family hasn't gone on a family trip in a very long time so she decided that she wanted the whole family to go camping.

"Peter don't you think it would be a great idea to go camping with the kids? I mean you had a lot of fun camping with the guys last week"

"Ahh ya that would be sweet, I had a blast camping with Joe and the guys"

-Cutaway

The guys are all at the clam sitting at their usual booth drinking beers watching the nature channel when Peter says:

"Yepp nothing like the great outdoors"

-end cutaway

"Alright then Peter I'll go tells the kids and we'll leave tomorrow morning"

The next day the Griffin family drove out to the camping grounds of quahog and began to finish setting up their tents when Lois addressed the group:

Lois: "Isn't this exciting kids being out here in the wilderness and coming together as a family."

Stewie: "Yeah if you consider exciting being extremely boring and lame then yes this is the most exciting thing in the world"

Brian: "Come on Stewie being outside isn't that bad there are plenty of things to do outside"

Stewie: "oh yeah coming from the dog who lives in the house"

Brain: "I chose to live in the house because I am civilized"

Stewie: Yes and that's because civilized people eat their own vomit.

Brian: Hey no one else was gonna eat it! Anyways, come on Stewie let's go see if we can find something to do around here.

Stewie: "Alright fine but we better be back in time for these so called "s'mores" Chris was talking about, they sound quite delectable.

Stewie and Brian head off into the woods nearby.

Lois: "Kids do you want to come with me and you father to catch fish for dinner?"

Peter: "Ahh… yes. Just like the old days. A man hunting to feed his family."

Peter casts his fishing rod at a bush and becomes tangled in the fishing line. Lois sighs and begins to walk to the lake leaving Peter rolling around on the ground.

Meanwhile Chris comes out of his tent and looks by the fire pit.

Chris: "What's that laying on the ground?"

Meg: "It looks like a bunch of beans…"

Chris: "Well can we cook them over this fire. I haven't had anything to eat in two hours since we stopped at Burger Wench."

Meg: "Fine Chris."

Meg throws the beans into a pot of boiling water. Instead of cooking, the beans sprout a massive stalk that grows towards the sky at an alarming rate.

Chris: "Some type of cook you are Meg."

Meg: "It's not my fault! I think…Chris…I think these might be magic beans."

Chris: "Can we eat them?"

Meg: "No Chris! Don't you understand? We have to climb to the top where we will find a handsome knight and we will fall in love…."

Chris: "Do you think there would be food up there?"

Meg: "Well they are called knights of the round _table_…"

Chris: "WE HAVE TO CLIMB THAT BEAN STALK MEG."

Chris immediately starts to climb the bean stalk with Meg following behind. Soon after, Brian and Stewie come back from the woods to find a mess at the camping site, a massive beanstalk and Peter tangled in his fishing line.

Stewie: "What the devil is going on here?"

Brian: "Peter do you need help?"

Peter: "No Brian. I'm a man alone in the woods I can do this myself."

Brian: "You're with your whole family you are not alone in the woods."

Peter: "You're a dog Brian, you wouldn't understand."

Stewie: "Brian where do you think this goes?" He gestures to the bean stalk.

Brian: "I don't know, but there's only one way to find out."

Stewie and Brian begin to climb up the bean stalk. They then reach the top. Meanwhile, Meg and Chris have begun exploring. They reach a clearing in some woods and hear rustling in the bushes.

Meg: "Chris do you hear that?"

Chris: "Sorry Meg that was just my stomach I'm really hungry where is this table you're telling me about?"

Meg: "It's fake. Did you just see that there's someone in the bushes."

A troll emerges from the bushes. It is literally the ugliest thing, ever.

Troll: "My god… you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Chris: "Thank you!"

Troll: "I'm not talking to you, you clean-faced, good smelling good-for-nothing creature! But this fair maiden," he kneels, "has caught my eye."

Meg: "Oh my god, you must be the knight of the round table!"

Chris: "WHERES THE FOOD?"

Troll: "Incorrect, the knights of the round table are a bunch of pricks. I am Bip the Troll Prince of the clan of Smarsh in the kingdom of Shmellow. "

Chris: "DID YOU JUST SAY YOU HAVE MARSHMELLOWS?"

The troll gives Chris the stink eye.

Troll: "Fair maiden, come with me to my kingdom. We shall ride upon my noble steed to my castle where I will command a feast to be made in your honor!"

The troll gestures to an oversized skunk tied to a tree nearby.

Chris: "Can I come to your dinner party?"

Meg: "We have to go Chris. Maybe he'll ask me to be his girlfriend and I'll have a date to prom!"

Meg, Chris and Bip ride off on the skunk at the same time that Brian and Stewie make it to the top of the beanstalk. They see an attractive woman walk by.

Brian. "Whoa. Um….excuse me…excuse me? My friend and I are a little lost and we were wondering if you could tell us where we are?"

The woman is visibly upset and has clearly been crying.

Hot Troll: "You're in the lands of the clan of Smarsh in the kingdom of Shmellow."

Stewie: "No we don't want any marshmellows. I'm trying to watch my figure."

Hot Troll: "OMG you don'tneed to you are super skinny."

Stewie: "Really? You think so? My Pilates classes are going so great."

-Cutaway: Stewie doing Pilates

Brian: "OK OK that's enough. So why are you crying?"

Hot Troll: "My clan kicked me out for being too ugly. They said my front butt was too large." She smashes her breasts together to emphasize her cleavage. Brian's jaw drops.

Brian: "Uh…well…I'm….a….lawyer and I'm sure I could get you back into your clan in no time."

Hot Troll: "Well Prince Bip is throwing a party for some loser he just met in the woods but I know the bouncer so we could probably get in."

Brian: "Great! Let's go! Come on Stewie."

Stewie rolls his eyes. The scene fast forwards to the feast in Meg's honor. Chris is surrounded by empty plates and is currently working on a large plate of ribs in a near comatose state in a corner. Meg is with Prince Bip. Brian, the Hot Troll and Stewie are nonchalantly hiding in a crowd of people.

Prince Bip: "When I went to the river today I thought it would be just a normal yearly bath. But instead, I met the most beautiful she-troll I had ever laid my two eyes on."

Brian: "Stewie…is that…Meg?"

Stewie: "Brian I'm not sure I've never actually directly looked at Meg."

Prince Bip: "And now," he gets down on one knee, "I would like to ask for your hand in marriage."

Meg's phone rings.

Lois: "MEG WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU. Your father and I are back from fishing and the campsite is a mess, a tree sprouted in the middle of our campfire. What the hell happened?"

Meg: "Oh my god mom you are SO embarrassing right now. I'm just trying to have fun for like once in my life and you ruin everything!"

Prince Bip: "Excuse me? I'm trying to propose to you and you re too busy talking to imaginary spirits! Have you not the decency to give me your full attention?"

Hot Troll: "ILL ALWAYS GIVE YOU MY FULL ATTENTION BIP. I'VE LOVED YOU SINCE WE PLAYED IN THE FUNGUS FIELDS TOGETHER."

Brian: "Son of a…"

Prince Bip: "OH MY GOD, ALL THESE YEARS. It's always been you. I've only ever thought of you as the freak with the perfect, long legs or the clean blonde hair but you've always been so much more. I don't care that you smell like roses or your front butt is too big. I want to be with you forever!"

Meg: "What the F$!%?

Prince Bip: "Bring out the celebratory deserts!"

Troll servants with platters of s'mores walk into the dining hall. Prince Bip offers one to the hot troll.

Hot Troll: "Oh I can't, I'm going on a trip with my friends to Florida in two weeks."

Stewie: "Smores you say? Brian take a platter and lets get out of here!"

Brian punches one of the servers and grabs the smores. Then Meg, Brian and Stewie hustle out of the castle and an observably fatter Chris waddles out behind them. They climb down the beanstalk where an angry Lois awaits them.

Lois: "WHERE THE HELL. HAVE YOU KIDS BEEN. I planned this trip for ALL of us to spend some quality family time together!"

Peter is still caught in his fishing line.

Meg: "We were just getting smores to roast as a family Mom…" She gestures at the smores Brian is holding.

Lois: "Oh my goodness kids! That is so great that you are all getting along so nicely and we're all back together a family."

The next scene is the Griffins all sitting by the fire eating smores.

Stewie: "Not a fan. Not. A. Fan."


End file.
